Facilitate from Within: The Inner Work of Inclusive Facilitation

How many times have you been in a meeting that seemed to go off the rails very quickly? To facilitate effectively, we must look not only at external tools but also inward, to the facilitator themselves.

When we talk about facilitation, most people picture what happens outside the facilitator such as the room, the participants, the slides, the activities and time management. But the heart of truly inclusive facilitation is found inside the facilitator. Long before we walk into the room or open the Zoom call, our body and emotions have already set the tone.

It becomes very clear that as a facilitator, we are the instrument. The way we show up, grounded or scattered, calm or anxious, open or defensive becomes the tuning fork that the entire group vibrates with. Inclusive facilitation begins not only with techniques, but also with self-awareness: the capacity to sense what is happening within ourselves so that we can hold space for others with steadiness, compassion, and clarity.

The Inner Work Before the Outer Work

Before each session, take a moment to check in with yourself.

• What’s happening with my breath?
• How am I feeling: calm, tense, tired, nervous?
• What’s going on in my thoughts? Am I dwelling on something outside this space?
• How do I want to feel as I begin this facilitation?

This self-check may take less than two minutes, yet it shifts everything. By noticing the state of your own body and emotions, you start from a place of alignment rather than reaction.

This practice is especially vital for inclusive spaces where difficult conversations, diverse perspectives, and lived experiences coexist. When we are dysregulated (e.g., rushing, defensive, or self-conscious) our nervous systems can’t attune to the group. But when we begin centered, we invite others into that calm. We make it easier (from the Latin facil, meaning “to make easy”) for the group to think clearly, listen deeply, and connect authentically.

The Elephant and the Rider: Why Self-Awareness Matters

A powerful metaphor for this comes from neuroscience: imagine your mind as a small rider perched on top of a large elephant. The rider is your conscious, rational self, the part that plans, speaks, and explains. The elephant represents your unconscious: your emotions, instincts, tone, and body language.

When facilitators prepare content, we often focus on the rider: words, talking points, slides, data. But in every group interaction, the elephant is what people actually respond to. Participants may hear your words, but they feel your energy.

If your elephant is agitated (i.e. rushing, anxious, or distracted) no amount of polished language will fully compensate. Conversely, when your elephant is calm and confident, people trust you even when your words aren’t perfect.

Neuroscience confirms this: even supposedly rational decisions, like voting, are heavily influenced by the limbic brain — the emotional center. Our presence communicates more powerfully than our presentation.

So the work of self-awareness is the work of befriending the elephant. We learn to notice our internal weather before it becomes a storm. We become conscious of our emotional currents so we can choose how to respond rather than react.

Facilitation as Emotional Leadership

To facilitate inclusively is to lead emotionally. Every group has a mood, sometimes eager, sometimes cautious, sometimes tense. People naturally mirror the emotions of those around them, especially whoever holds authority in the room. This is called emotional contagion.

If the facilitator enters hurried or anxious, that energy ripples through the space. But when the facilitator models groundedness  (i.e. calm breath, open posture, steady tone) others unconsciously co-regulate. They begin to settle. Safety emerges not from the rules we announce, but from the nervous system we bring.

This is why self-regulation is not a “soft skill.” It is a technical competence for inclusive facilitation. It allows us to navigate difficult emotions — our own and others’ — without losing focus or compassion. It also enables us to pause, breathe, and hold silence when something hard arises instead of rushing to fill the space.

A skilled facilitator doesn’t suppress emotion; they steward it. They recognize that emotion is information. Anger may signal injustice, confusion may reveal an unspoken assumption, and laughter may offer relief or connection. Our ability to stay attuned and responsive allows the group to process these emotions safely, without shame or derailment.

Mindfulness in Action: A Simple Pre-Session Practice

Here’s a practice drawn from mindfulness and trauma-informed facilitation that can help tune your instrument before leading a group:

1. Arrive Early. Even five minutes before participants join gives your nervous system time to settle.
2. Breathe into the Body. Notice the physical sensations of sitting or standing. Take three slow breaths, lengthening each exhale.
3. Name What’s Present. Silently identify what you’re feeling: “I’m a bit anxious,” “I’m curious,” “I’m tired.” Naming helps regulate emotion.
4. Set an Intention. Choose a simple focus: “I will listen more than I speak.” “I will meet tension with curiosity.”
5. Visualize Safety. Imagine creating a container of grounded energy that can hold whatever emerges in the room.

This small ritual doesn’t eliminate challenges, but it transforms how you meet them. Instead of being swept up in the group’s emotional tides, you become an anchor.

The Paradox of Presence: Being Real, Not Robotic

Self-regulation doesn’t mean detachment. Facilitators are not meant to be emotionless robots. In fact, authenticity is one of the most powerful tools we have. The goal is to be present and human without losing center.

Participants trust facilitators who are real. A facilitator who acknowledges, “That was a difficult comment — let’s pause for a moment,” models courage and care. What matters is not perfection, but presence. When we can feel our own emotions without being overtaken by them, we create space for others to do the same.

Inclusive facilitation requires this balance of head and heart, structure and spontaneity, clarity and compassion. It asks us to notice when our rider (the rational mind) is trying to control everything, and when our elephant (the emotional self) is charging ahead unacknowledged. Integration is the goal: both parts working together in service of the group.

Join us for Authentic Facilitation this November to put these ideas into practice.

Annahid Dashtgard

CEO and Co-Founder, Anima Leadership

As a seasoned change-maker and non-fiction author, Annahid gets juiced by figuring out what makes people and systems tick, and how to move them from survive to thrive. Over the last two decades she has worked with hundreds of organizations and leaders to create more just and equitable futures. She’s a first generation immigrant woman of colour who uses her voice to illuminate our common journey to belonging. Her new book Fire and Silence: A Roadmap for BIPOC Leaders is available for pre-order now. Alongside her bestselling books —Bones of Belonging: Finding Wholeness in a White World (2023) and Breaking the Ocean: A Memoir of Race, Rebellion and Reconciliation (2019)— she has written for numerous other publications and sits on the boards of both the Writer’s Trust and the Writer’s Union of Canada. 

Annahid has a Masters in Adult Education and has trained in various psychological modalities (Process work, Somatic Experiencing trauma training, mindfulness and Chinese medicine) to understand the root of systems change in human consciousness. Besides consulting, educating, coaching and writing on JEDI (Justice, Equity, Diversity and Inclusion) issues for over two decades across both public and private sectors, she has carefully cultivated her love of reading, usually on the couch with a glass of wine in hand trying to tune out the voices of her little ones. Check out her wiki page or website for more.